I have downloaded so many things illegally sometimes I forget you can buy them.
So many years ago, as a kid, I lost a tooth after somebody smacked me in the mouth with a WWII tin helmet they were playing frisbee with.
I had it replaced and all was well.
Fast forward a few years and it began to come loose. I was skint and living in one of the grottier parts of London and I ended up at an East German trained dentist who had a great bedside manner, but who turned out to be a notorious butcher.
She stitched it up but left a small hole.
This got bigger and bigger and eventually turned into an abscess. It call came to an ugly head when I went round to my girlfriends and she decided to feed me Cheesy Findus Crispy Pancakes.
I bit into them in a state of great hunger and at that moment the abscess burst and the stuff that came out was the exact same colour and texture as the stuff coming out of the pancake, all mixed up inside my mouth.
andthenitcametotheend submitted this story of fun and games with Nazi helmets and Findus Crispy fuckery.
It really doesn’t help matters any, but that pancake was also probably full of horsemeat.